Sinners of the Past
by xxSaphireBluexx
Summary: She lives with the guilt of her past and wants nothing more but to atone for her sins in a desperate attempt to be forgiven. But one question constantly invades her thoughts: Is it enough? Will a conversation with Jellal help Ultear forgive herself? Rated T for a reason.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

**YES! I know Ultear is unshippable but...she deserves love too! I mean...she deserves a kiss or something at least. I know almost every JErza fan might want to kill me but...GIVE THIS STORY A CHANCE PLEASE! Pretty please *puppy eyes***

**Is there even _any_ Ultear based fluffy stories on ffn? If so, PLEASE SHARE!**

**A special thanks to ****_leoslady4ever _****for beta reading this! LA LA LOVE HER!**

**And thanks to you all for giving this story a chance! I love you to the moon and back!  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx**

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_**Sinners of the Past**_

It has been exactly three years since their disappearance and ever since, I've been doing everything in my power to keep Magnolia safe. For Gray's sake at least. In place of Fairy Tail, Meredy was taking care of the dark guilds or bandits that were roaming the streets of Magnolia.

I slowly brushed my hair as I looked out to the lake. The steady sounds of the chirping birds and crickets filled the area as the distant horizon met the lake. I took a deep breath in, remembering all the sins I've committed. I wonder if there really was any way I could atone them. Would I be forgiven when all was said and done? Would I really be pardoned for everything that I did over the years?

I could always hope. Hope was the reason I decided to make the guild, Crime Sorciere.

"Something wrong?" I heard a voice say and instantly knew it was Jellal. I wasn't sure why, but lately it felt like Jellal was trying to create some sort of bond with me. Sure he was part of the same guild, but was it really worth it?

I shook my head no, hoping the blue haired mage would drop the subject. There was no way I would be breaking down to him. Not after everything I've done to him.

"You know, you can talk to me about it," Jellal assured me.

Jellal was fully aware that I always kept my emotions bottled up on the inside, allowing them to eat away at me. I would never consult anyone when I was upset or stressed, but it felt like everyone came to me.

There was Meredy, who would let out her deepest, darkest secrets to me. All her emotions and memories were of my knowledge. To say I was like a mother to the girl would be accurate. She trusted me with everything and it was important that I help her in any way possible.

Then there was Jellal, who had a sudden blast of his memories and instantly looked to me for help, asking me if it was true. He felt scarred, knowing all his sins and all the pain he brought upon others. But worst of all, Jellal was worried about Erza. He never had the chance to apologize to her and as a result, he was forced to live with the wrecked memories day in and day out. Every single time he remembered, I was there to comfort him.

So why was it that I had no one to talk to?

I lifted my gaze up from the water to look up at Jellal. His eyes were filled with worry. He looked genuinely concerned about me, though I didn't deserve it. But that look was painfully foreign to me and as a result, I genuinely felt safe. For some reason, the way he looked at me gave me the strength to speak.

"Do you really think that my evil deeds can be forgiven?" I asked, my voice shaky from the pain I was feeling.

Jellal flinched when I asked, almost like he assumed I wasn't just as haunted as he was. If anything, I felt the demons more than anyone he had ever known. It was because of me that both he and Meredy were living full of sin.

"Of course I do, Ultear. We all make mistakes, and commit sins. One day, they will be forgiven," Jellal responded with a hint of panic in his voice.

"Will they? Are we really given the opportunity to atone for our sins? Am I given the opportunity? Jellal, I lived my entire life under the impression that I could change time and one day, become happy with my mother. I stepped over anyone in my way to get whatever I wanted. To think, that even you forgave me after what I did. To think that you could just let it go. Jellal, I ruined your life and I can **_guarantee_** that you're not the only person whose life has been shattered by me," I responded, feeling my eyes well up with tears.

I really shouldn't cry in front of him though. I shouldn't pile my problems up onto his already large list of issues he has to deal with. I shouldn't cry.

_Please_, I begged my tears_, stay back._

"But it was your reasoning that was good, Ultear. You had good intentions." Jellal continued to look deep into my dark brown eyes. Why did he have to look at me like that? It would only make my feelings for him resurface and there was no way someone like me could deserve love.

"I've only ever thought about myself," I closed my eyes, tight, desperately trying to push my tears back. I hated myself for everything I did. Becoming this emotionally close to Jellal was a crime; I didn't do anything to earn returned feelings. I was acting upon my emotions, and I shouldn't.

"But you've changed."

"Have I?" I asked with uncertainty. "What if, I am only meant to do bad? What if, deep in my core, I'm still evil? Then what?"

Why was I allowing Jellal to worry? I don't deserve to have someone worry about me- especially not Jellal. I was the very reason Jellal's a wanted fugitive. If it weren't for me, he would have been living happily with Erza, with love and lust alike. He would be content. But now, here he was, miserable. He had blood on his hands and it was completely and utterly my fault.

Jellal took a step towards me, his eyes fixed on mine. Slowly they began to descend over my face, touching on my lips, before ghosting down the length of my body. I couldn't understand why. What exactly was Jellal doing?

He looked back up to my face. "But you aren't," Jellal responded, in a calm, collective voice.

"How can you be so sure? Many who live their lives in the dark, never leave. I could always remain stuck in the darkness. It could be engraved deep into my soul and could very well be all I know," I reasoned out loud. There have been instances where everything in me wanted to commit murder. There have been moments, where my body wanted to act without the consultation of my mind and kill. It was always because of Meredy and Jellal that I was able to stop.

"I just know," Jellal responded, taking another step in and closing the gap that was between us.

His arms wrapped around my waist and he kept his head far enough to continue to look into my eyes. "Deep down, I know that you aren't the ruthless Ultear. I know, that you're the kind and caring Ultear. I am certain, that you're the beautiful Ultear that I have come to love."

Did my ears deceive me? Did Jellal just say that he loved me?

I found him inching towards me and I felt my heart slamming into my chest. How was it that the man I loved so deeply, returned my feelings?

I don't deserve this blessing. I don't deserve to be loved by this man. My eyes looked at his closed eyes, then slowly trailed down his birthmark. The red patterns that graced his face made him look truly distinguishable. They were what made Jellal, himself. Then, my eyes went down to his full lips, which I so desperately wanted to kiss. But this was so wrong.

Somewhere in my heart, I heard something screaming: _it doesn't matter, just __**kiss**__ him._

It triggered something inside me, and my hands responded, moving up to thrust into the spiky blue locks of his hair. I desperately pulled his head towards mine, not wanting to waste another moment and with that, his lips were overtop mine.

This was so wrong, but **_felt _**so right.

His lips moved with mine, as he alternated between sucking my top and bottom lip. Then, on my bottom lip, I felt a gentle nibble, causing me to slightly part my lips. With that action, he thrust his tongue deep into my mouth, exploring it before dancing with my tongue.

As much as I despised not being in total control, I let Jellal take the lead and dominate me. His hands began to go lower from my waist, down towards my backside. He kept his hands there for a few seconds, before squeezing it. It was clear that the lust had taken over, since our hands were continuously exploring one another.

I could his right hand brush up and down across the side of my breasts as his left hand remained glued onto my backside. My hands trailed down to his birthmark, gently gliding down towards his jaw line, where I felt the soft hairs of his five o'clock shadow.

I felt my world spin, and my legs began to fail me. The lack of air made it difficult for me to remain standing, and as a result, I noticed us both retreat down to our knees, still remaining locked in passion.

His hands then began to brush my hair and the kiss went back to the gentle feeling it had earlier and I knew, it was coming to an end. Jellal slowly pulled away, and taking deep breaths, clearly panting from the lack of air in his system. His hands continued to brush down my hair and I found myself unconsciously resting my head onto his chest.

"Ultear, we all make mistakes and before we can expect others to forgive us, we must learn to forgive ourselves," he said as he planted his lips onto my forehead.

"That shouldn't have happened."

But I couldn't forgive myself. I buried my head deeper into his chest where I released all my tears. He moved my head away from his chest only to kiss the tip of my nose. His hands wiped away my tears and he opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him.

"That shouldn't have happened," I repeated between the sniffs I was taking.

"Don't let yourself suffer because of your sins. Seeing you so upset hurts me. Ultear, learn to forgive your mistakes. Let them be your strength, not your weakness. Let them guide you onto the right path of where you _should_ go. Allow them to show you the light. Ultear, most importantly, don't stop living. Stop punishing yourself. You realize that you living a loveless life, forces me to live one as well. Ultear, live for the future. Forgive yourself so others can do the same."

Upon hearing those words, something inside me released, some lock on my heart opened, and I was free.

"I-I love you, Jellal."

Somehow, with Jellal by my side, I knew I could find my way to forgiveness.

"I love you too, Ultear."

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**They aren't so bad together.**...**_Right?_**


End file.
